Hold me Momma

Early this morning during my quiet time I heard the pitter-patter of little feet. I turned and saw Emma standing beside my chair. Hair disheveled and clinging tightly to her blankie, she said groggily, "Hold me Momma." Ahhh...music to my ears. She climbed into my lap and snuggled her head down in my neck. Surely the closest thing to heaven a mommy can feel.

As I sat holding her close, it occurred to me that this must be how God feels when I come to Him. When I finally put everything else aside and stand, arms raised, wanting nothing more than to be held. Holding my children close brings me such joy. How much more joy does our Heavenly Father receive when we let Him hold us?

The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love. Psalms 147:11

He delights in me? He delights in me! That is a truly awesome thought, but for some reason it's not always easy for me to picture God that way. I tend to think of him more as a boss than a father - someone I'm doing things for rather than just being. Sounds a lot like the whole Mary vs. Martha thing doesn't it? Sheila Walsh, in her book Get Off Your Knees and PRAY! made the boss/father analogy and it caused me to look at how I view my relationship with God. I realized I want to come to Him unhindered, like my little Emma; to lift my hands, crawl into His lap and lay my head against His chest. Sigh...what a wonderful place to be.

Isn't it awesome how the Lord is constantly challenging our views of Himself and life in general? I love that about Him.

Thanksgiving happenings

Thanksgiving is over. The stockings are hung. Lists are being made. Christmas is coming, full steam ahead.

We spent a wonderful Thanksgiving day at the farm enjoying perfect 75 degree weather and more good food than I could handle. The rest of the turkey is now simmering on the stove being made into some delightful turkey and dumplings. The boys enjoyed the annual Turkey Bowl. Austin and Grandad redeemed last year's loss with a diving final second catch to win the game.

We avoided Black Friday like the Black Plague and spent the day decorating for Christmas. Mike and I did our best to let the kids do the majority of the work...it's so hard to not micromanage, but we did pretty good. Friday afternoon we watched The Wizard of Oz. It was Emma's first time seeing the movie and her eyes were as big as saucers - she loved it and I loved watching her.

After the movie we watched the Broncos close out their undefeated season with an awesome 61-10 victory over Fresno State. There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth over the whole BCS debacle, but I'll save that for another post.

Better run finish the dumplings since my mouth is watering all over the keyboard!

Thankful for the sweet and the smelly

This time last year we were still settling into our new surroundings. We'd found a church, made new friends...life was good. Pretty much business as usual, just in a different state. I was blessed and thankful for God's hand on our lives.

Fast forward to this year. I am not the person I was on November 27, 2007. I look the pretty much the same - except for a few more gray hairs and wrinkles and a few less pounds. The difference is what the Lord is doing on the inside. I had no idea what was coming. You know, that's probably a good thing. I think if I'd had fair warning I would have run screaming the other direction. Although I doubt I would have gotten far...God has a way of chasing us down with His goodness.

Today I can say, with deeper understanding, I have so much to be thankful for.

My incredible husband who stood by me through everything - even when he had no idea what to do.

My precious children who prayed for their mommy and gave an endless supply of hugs and kisses - the very best kind of medicine.

My dear friends who cared enough to push, even when it was uncomfortable.

God's amazing love and care for me. He cares enough to continue to peel back the layers, revealing more and more of Himself as He shows me where I need healing. He is so very patient.

No, I wouldn't have chosen the things I've gone through this year, but I can honestly say I wouldn't trade it either. I am thankful for what it has worked in my life and that makes it all worth it.

I am immensely thankful for the good, the bad, the sweet and the smelly. It all rolls together to make one pretty amazing life - my life.

Modesty, childbirth and depression??

Let's see...my last post talked about never-ending labor. The ones before that dealt with depression. Why not a post that talks about both?

I was thinking this morning about my labor with Austin. I'm a modest person, but it is hard to be modest while wearing a gown intended to reveal much and cover nothing. Nevertheless, I tried throughout the LONG process to keep myself as covered up as possible. As the hours wore on, my focus changed and I began to care less and less about being modest and more and more about getting the whole thing over with. Numerous doctors, nurses, interns all coming and going, checking, poking, whispering...it finally got to the point I didn't care if the Pope had walked in and seen me...I was done! My modesty had been stripped completely away and all my energies were focused on getting to the end.

How is this at all like depression?

When I first began struggling with depression, I did all I could to keep myself covered. I could handle this. I'd get through it on my own. I didn't need to tell anyone. That's the thing about depression...it's a lot like those lovely hospital gowns. It is hard to keep everything covered, to keep going like you are fully clothed when in fact your whole backside is showing. As time has worn on, I have become much less concerned with being modest. My goal is to work through this process, to deal with issues and move on. And I don't care at this point who sees me.

Childbirth hurts. Depression hurts. But with both, there is new life.

Happy birthday Moose!

Anyone remember what they were doing on this day 12 years ago? I do! I was in the beginning stages of 37 hours of labor. Man, I thought that kid would never make his entrance and now here he is, 12 years old tomorrow. I have to remind him every now and again just what I went through to bring him into this world. What sort of mom would I be if I failed to do that? He informed me last night that he thought he had worked it all off because he's been nice for so long. Ha! (insert wicked laugh) He's only just begun!

You hear moms all the time say they just can't believe how fast the time flies. It is so true. I remember that Thanksgiving spent in the hospital like it was yesterday and now he's growing peach fuzz. It is hard to wrap my brain around the whole thing.

I am so proud of the young man he is becoming and am blessed beyond measure to be his mom.

Happy birthday Moose. Dad and I love you all the way to the moon and back!

Life turned upside down

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

It seems easier to apply this verse to some things in our lives and yet the word "everything" broadens the scope a bit. Seriously? Everything? Even depression?

Thankfully I can see the truth of this statement...yes, even in depression. Depression has a way of making you look at life through a different set of eyes. Have you ever ridden on one of those gyroscopes? You know, the things that turn you every which way and leave you feeling completely off balance? Life is much like that crazy ride sometimes. It spun me around, turned my feet in the air and left me not knowing which way was up. I struggled to grab hold of what I thought was the top, only to find I was headed down. Here's an excerpt from my journal.

Why has my life been turned upside down? Maybe it hasn't. Maybe, just maybe, it was upside down before and God is in the process of making it right.

Hmmm...interesting thought. Could it be that my perspective had been skewed all along?

I am learning to be thankful. Not for the depression...it still sucks, but for what it is doing in my life. It has a way of bringing things into focus and giving me a better perspective...His perspective.

My commercial debut

You've no doubt seen the commercial on TV that says, "Depression hurts..."

I'm writing and starring in my own version..."Depression SUCKS!" Watch for it on a station near you.

Yep, it's the stone cold truth. Sure, I know all the verses about troubles making us stronger, molding us, shaping us, all that stuff. I know it's true. Heck, I named my blog after it. But it's certainly not a pleasant process.

No matter how much it stinks, I know God is there. He promised me that and I'm holding on to it with all I have. That's the great thing about Him. When nothing else around us seems to make sense, we can trust that He will never leave us or forsake us.

No regrets

Am I the only one that tends to take things for granted? The laughter and constant chatter of my kids, goodnight kisses, hugs from my sweet hubby when he walks through the door, a brilliant orange sunset, a phone call from a friend, a day without depression. I have so much to be thankful for and yet so often I go through the day not noticing...not thanking...not cherishing.

This morning brought the sad news that one of our church family members lost his battle with cancer. While of course there is joy for him, we mourn with his wife and sweet children left to live without the most important man in their lives.

It is times like these that the reality of life seems to hit me between the eyes. I take for granted I will have many more days just like this one to enjoy the gifts God has given me. The truth is I may not. I want to live my life with no regrets...to come to the end of things and know I did all I could do with what was given to me. Did I love fully? Did I forgive completely? Did I laugh often? Did I listen intently? Did I do my best to make a memory out of each and every day?

I am thankful for reminders such as this and pray that today, for the sake of those I love, I will live with no regrets.

When life gives you lemons...then what?

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Hmmm...sounds simple enough I guess, but what if there is no water, or sugar, or even a pitcher? Then what? What the heck do you do with all the lemons then?

Some days I would love to throw them at people. That might make me feel better.

Some days I want to hide them all away and pretend they don't exist. Problem is they start to stink and become too hard to hide.

Some days I try to drown out the sour taste with extra coffee and long naps...it's a temporary fix.

Scripture says to bring my lemons and lay them at the foot of the cross. Problem is sometimes I want to keep them, regardless of the fact that I can't do anything with them. I roll them around in my head, trying desperately to make some sense out of all the sourness. I wonder if hauling them around makes me feel better somehow? Not likely. So why do I do it? I have no idea.

The bottom line is that life is full of lemons and apparently I stink at making lemonade.

Climbing down from my soapbox...

OK, enough political soapboxes for awhile. Life will go on, regardless of what happens in Washington.

Life goes on here. My "baby" boy will be twelve next week. That one is incredibly hard to wrap my brain around. He is almost as tall as me. Mike bought him new basketball shoes last night...size 10 1/2. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming. If only I could get him to remember to brush his teeth and wash his face.

Our two older boys eat, sleep and breath football. They play it, they read about it, they watch it, they talk incessantly about it. Smack talk has become a form of affection. When friends come over, guess what they do? Yep - football. If they can't play outside, there's always Wii football. Luckily I am a football fan myself, but goodness gracious.

We are a competitive family by nature...at least most of us are. Last night Emma's brothers were teaching her to play slap. You know, where you try to slap the other's hand before they move it. Picture my little four year old girl doing this. She figured out quickly that if she grabbed hold of her brother's hand, she could slap it and win. Each time she would laugh uproariously at her coup. I laughed just watching her.

Then this morning she beat her brother at Rock/Paper/Scissor over which movie they were going to watch. Boy, was she proud of herself. She is a healthy mix of princess and tomboy. She is my heartbeat.

Yep, this is truly what it's all about.

A watered down Gospel = a tidal wave of erosion

My heart is heavy this morning. Seems everywhere I turn I am faced with evidence of how far our country has fallen. We should be on our knees before the Lord pleading for His forgiveness and the healing of our nation. Instead, buses in D.C. bear ads declaring there is no God. Taliban insurgents urge Obama to withdraw troops before the ink is even dry on the final election numbers. The majority of our country chose last week to stand on the side of "rights" instead of life. We have not only turned our back on God, but have arrogantly slapped Him in the face. What use to be a slow, methodical wearing away of our belief system has become a tidal wave of erosion. Things done in secret are now flaunted and praised. The problem we face as Christians is not allowing ourselves to be caught up, or worse carried away by the wave.

While some of the erosion is blatant, much is more subtle in nature. Christians all over our nation are accepting a watered down version of the Gospel, changes so slight they are difficult to recognize on the surface. We must examine everything we hear in light of Scripture and then decide what we're going to do with it. It is becoming harder to stand for what we believe and it will only get worse. If we are not sure of what we stand for...if we are not committed to the cause of Christ no matter what pressures we face, we will fall.

The sad thing is many Christians will not even realize it. If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, he will jump out. If you put him in a pot and slowly heat the water, he will boil to death. The same is true for us. If you put most Christians in a blatantly hostile situation, they will recognize the threat and respond. However, if you put them in a church that is preaching a watered down gospel, or one just slightly off-center, they will eat it up and never realize what has happened. A gospel that is anything less than the absolute truth will produce watered down Christians unable to recognize truth from a lie. It is those watered down Christians who will be swept away by the wave.

Lord, help us not to settle for anything less than Your absolute truth. Help us recognize the truth and not believe the lies that come cloaked in truth. Give us a discerning spirit and the boldness to stand for You, no matter how hot the water becomes.

Hurry up and wait!

Don't like waiting? Check out my devotion for today on our church's ladies' ministry blog and see that God does have a purpose in His delays.

http://gatewaygirlfriends.blogspot.com/

Come, Lord Jesus!

I won't even say this morning that I have the slightest understanding of what is happening in our country. I wish I could catch a glimpse of how this all fits into God's eternal plan. What I can do is trust and that's what I'm doing this morning.

I was chatting with a friend early this morning and commented that at least we had done what we could - pray and vote. Her response made me pause. She wondered if we had in fact done all we could do. Couldn't we pray more? Couldn't we be more bold? Couldn't we look for more opportunities to share our faith?

Yes, we could do more. My prayer this morning is that I will seize those opportunities the Lord gives me and begin to live my life with more boldness as we see the day approaching.

"Yes, I am coming soon!" Amen! Come, Lord Jesus! ~ Revelation 22:20

Voting God's Word

If you've been following the comments recently here on this blog, you will know that there are differing opinions and ideas about who should be our next President and why. We all have our views about the issues and can agree to disagree in a mature, Christian fashion on some gray areas.

However, there are certain issues that are anything but gray. Issues such as the killing of the unborn, marriage between a man and a woman and our country's stand with Israel are not open to interpretation or our own personal opinion. Scripture clearly states where we are to side. We must look at where each candidate stands on the issues God is very clear about and ask ourselves if we're voting with or against His Word.

One commenter stated, "This is a "free" country and each person has the right to vote for whomever they choose...regardless of what anyone thinks!" Yes, it is a free country with rights we hold very dear, but as Christians we should be concerned about what God thinks about who we're voting for. We will be held accountable for the vote we cast. Did we stand for the unborn or did we stand with someone who has no regard for life? Did we do our part to preserve the sanctity of marriage, or did we give our vote to someone who will tear it down? Did we chose to stand with Israel in their fight for freedom, or did we side with someone who will help to bring them down?

"Who gives you the right to be judge and jury and prosecute a person for their political beliefs??" I found this quote interesting and wondered what part of the post made "anonymous" feel they were being persecuted. I was not persecuted anyone, but simply showing the beliefs of a particular candidate in action.

"So, if I choose to vote for Obama or McCain that is my God given right and it's not up to my fellow man to persecute me for "my" choice on whom I feel will best fit "my" needs." This last quote from the same anonymous commenter sums things up pretty well. As Christians, we are not called to vote according to what best fits our own needs, but what best lines up with Scripture. It is this self-centeredness and ego-centric attitude that has gotten our country where we are today.

I pray as Christians we will vote today according to the leading of the Holy Spirit and not just for which candidate promises to make our lives more comfortable.

A royal good time!

The royal birthday party has come and gone, leaving the king and queen rather tired. Even Princess Emma was ready for a royal nap once all her princess friends had taken their leave. My goodness little girl parties are fun!

The girls arrived and took a walk on the red carpet.

Princess Emma with her two very best princess friends.


Emma and her royal throne.


The girls had their make-up and nails done.


The royal court prepares for the treasure hunt.


A feast fit for a queen.


Mommy and her princess. Happy birthday baby girl. We love you!