You've heard people caution, "Don't pray for patience, or God will send you something to practice on!" Isn't that the truth?
I spent time this morning looking back over my prayer journal. Apparently somewhere towards the end of 2007, I asked the Lord for less of me and more of Him. I wonder if I would have dared utter that prayer had I known what form the answer would come in? Yikes! It certainly didn't come packaged with lovely paper and a pretty red bow. That would have been nice, but it would also have given me a choice - to open or not to open. Nope. There was no choice here. Depression is ugly, no two ways about it. It can sneak up on you slowly, or come out of nowhere and slam you to the ground. No matter how it comes, one thing is certain - it will bring you to the end of yourself with no where to turn but to Him.
Coming to the end of me, to the end of my strengths and what I could handle certainly falls into the category of less of me and more of Him. I turned to Him and He did not disappoint. He continues to show Himself faithful to His awesome promises. Depression still sucks and I'm pretty sure it always will, but I am resting safely in His hand. That's most certainly a good place to be.
Let me encourage you today on your own journey. Maybe you're struggling with depression or some other "gift" you've been given. Whatever it is, NOTHING is too big for Him to handle. Karen recently posted about the myth that God will not give us more than we can handle. That's a lie we've bought into. He will most certainly give us more than we can handle so that we are forced to rely on HIS strength instead of our own.
I will admit, there hasn't been much in my life I couldn't handle on my own. That is why God, in His infinite loving wisdom, knew I needed this depression in my life. I needed to understand what it means to fully rely on Him. That's a funny thing to think about - the fact that I needed this depression. I can honestly say it is the answer to my prayers for more of Him and that makes me thankful, yes, even for depression.
My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Forrest Gump
True. Life is much like that box of chocolates. You might be delighted by the contents, or it might be filled with something nasty. The problem with this analogy is that if I bite into a chocolate I don't care for, I promptly put it back and continue tasting until I find one that suits my taste buds. Don't tell me you don't do the same thing!
In my estimation, life is more like an onion....full of flavor, but awfully stinky and makes you cry. Now of course, being a professing chocoholic, I much prefer Forrest's romanticized view of life to the stinky version. Depression has a way of stripping away the romanticized view and forcing you to see things you never wanted to see. Chocolates come packed in beautiful wrapping making you giddy with anticipation at what's inside. Onions on the other hand, come wrapped in a dry, flaky outer shell meant only to protect the contents.
Have you ever noticed an onion doesn't stink until you cut into it? True to life, the flaky shell keeps everything together and smelling OK. Its not until you peel it back that you begin to see the layers and smell what's inside. Isn't that just like life? I spent years keeping my heart covered up...it kept everything inside smelling fine and no one was the wiser. I was in control...or so I thought. God used my depression to bring me to the end of myself and then ever so gently, one by one, He began to peel back the layers. Some of them are smelly. Most of them make me cry, but all of them are leading me to the heart of who I really am and most importantly, who HE is.
Now, would you like an onion with that cuppa joe?
There seems to be something going around lately. Many people have it. In fact, I believe it may be close to an epidemic. The symptoms are often hard to recognize, except to the trained eye - strained smiles, dull eyes and an apparent lack of joy. Here is the main thing to watch for - ask them how they are doing and they will usually respond, "I'm fine."
That's the key word - FINE.
We are living in a world of people who do their best to appear fine on the outside, while on the inside they are struggling, sometimes even to the point of death. So what is going on? Why is this so hard to diagnosis and why do so many people refuse to admit they are not OK?
One of the main reasons is that we believe the lies of the enemy. Here are a few you may have heard before.
"If I let people know what I'm really struggling with, they will reject me."
"I can handle this. I don't need any one's help"
"I'm suppose to be a Christian. People wouldn't understand my struggle."
Unfortunately, we have bought into these lies wholeheartedly and because of this, have given the enemy what he was after. We are left feeling isolated and defeated, with no one to help us up when we fall.
"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
There is no vaccine for this disease. The only cure is gut-wrenching honesty. Sometimes the cure may be as painful as the disease at first. Stepping out of our comfortable little spaces and having the courage to admit we're not OK is scary at best and painful at worst. But it is not until we refuse to continue believing and ingesting the steady diet of lies the enemy is feeding us that we can begin to heal.
So the next time someone asks how you're doing, take a deep breath, refuse to believe the lies and get real.
devotion written for Gateway Girlfriends
You've heard people caution, "Don't pray for patience, or God will send you something to practice on!" Isn't that the truth?
